Dutch Boy & The Dike

So, I have this friend who is also named Jason. He also served in the same mission as I did, and our wives are good friends. It works out well all around. He asked me the other day to accompany him on this hike or something that he was planning on attending with his Varsity Scouts. I fell like I should start doing more excercise so I agreed. I got out of school a little later than when he needed to be on the 'hike,' so he gave directions to the parking lot and told me that once I got that far, I could call him and he would direct him the rest of the way. I get to the parking lot and start hiking up the trail, and give him a call. Well, it turns out that they aren't hiking, they're caving, and the cave that they are at is halfway up the mountain. Jason says, take this trail, then there will be this scar, once you get there, go straight up the mountain. Turns out, there were two similar landmarks, one where the path up the mountain is almost vertical, and another one that is more gently sloped. Guess which one I used.........So, a good 45 minutes and 500 (nearly vertical) feet later, I get to the cave. Jason wanted me to go IN the cave. Something about the boys needing at least two adult leaders or something. So I gamely wrapped the more sensitve organs of my body in a 'harness' and attached myself to a rope to be lowered into this hole in the side of the mountain. Now, I've rappelled before, so I know what to do, but the hole was too small. I first tried to go in on my back, but was, to say the least, unsuccessful. Jason kept insisting that I just needed to relax and I would slide right in. Right. So, I tried (still gamely) to fit in the hole again, only this time, I tried to slither in on my tummy. Bad idea. I was sooooo stuck, I started having visions of being on the news as rescue crews helicoptered into our location to try and widen the hole for me so I could be removed. I really did not want to be on the news for that reason. After ten of some of the worst minutes of my life, between Jason pulling on me from one end and me kicking and cursing ( a little) and wriggling a little, I was able to break free. Now I know how the finger felt in the story about the little Dutch boy and the dike that he had his finger in, only the mountain was the dike and my body was the finger. Man, I really need to lose some weight.